So, by nineteen months old, a little girl should be able to just lie down in her cribby and settle herself to sleep, right? Apparently not- if you're MY little girl.
After several previous attempts at You Will Fall Asleep By Yourself Or Else Boot Camp, this is the week we are going to succeed. You know how it is. You start a good sleeping routine, and just when you're settling into the pattern, the baby gets sick or starts teething. Then you feel too guilty not to rock her to sleep, so you rock her to sleep- just one night- and all of your hard work is ruined. You have to start all over again, only each time you start over, it feels harder!
So tonight I read her her story, gave her two nunnies (one for the mouth and one for the hand), wrapped her in her beebee (blankie), gave her a bottle, rocked her while I sang a song, told her I loved her and then put her in her cribby to fall asleep on her own.
I was just sneaking out the door when the blood curdling scream began. She wasn't going to let me get away with it! Of course, THIS is the week we are going to succeed, so all I can do is lie in the hall outside of her room and listen to the screaming. I mean it was like someone was pulling her toenails out one by one.
Every few minutes she threw in a, "Mommy, hold me!" Just what I needed- an extra, ginormous dose of guilt. (This is why it is recommended you train your child to sleep before the age of 1. That way, the child cannot use actual words to induce extra guilt.)
5 minutes later, I went in, hugged her, gave her the nunny she had dropped, and rubbed her back. I was sneaking out the door again, and the crying ensued.
Again I was lying in the hallway, passing time before the next time I could go it to comfort her. I was thinking, "She has everything she needs in that cribby of hers. She's got a clean diaper, a full belly, a nunny, and her blankie. I've told her that I love her, and she still screams. I know she will be ok, but she doesn't see it that way. I know she can fall asleep on her own, even though she doesn't think she can. I tell her I love her, even when I'm not holding her."
Then it occured to me that this is what God must feel like sometimes. I'm not saying that I can even begin to know what it's like to be God, but hear me out. . .
How many times have we been like Baby? We've been feeling lonely, feeling scared, frustrated and abandoned. We've cried out to God in these moments, and God has given us everything we've needed, but we just haven't seen it that way. He has been there to comfort us in these moments, but we were too busy screaming to realize He was right there with us.
Just like my love for Baby doesn't diminish or dissapper when I walk through her door at night, God's love never dimishes or disappears.
He loves us all the time, even in the moments we can't see or feel him.
All Praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. - 2 Corinthians 1:3
